Tuesday, January 13, 2015

bww - wedding planning

This shot was from some of the first pictures I took when Reese's and Toby first started dating.

Sorry blog-o-sphere, but I didn't post for black and white Wednesday last week.  Yeah, the problem is I know most of you didn't miss it and won't see this either.

I am currently in full wedding planning mode, that is until this week when Reese's goes back to class.  We have been knocking out a lot of the things on her checklist and are trying to stay ahead of the game, because it will be here before you know it!!

I guess I didn't really understand how tiring it would be or how all-consuming it would feel when they started this whole journey.  Even though Santa did offer her a way out in the form of a cash settlement . . . Reese's opted for the wedding.

I am not complaining, at all.  It's just January and it's cold and I'm tired.  Okay, okay I'm complaining a little.  What good is a blog if you can't complain at least a little?  But I'm not complaining about the wedding.  We are so ahead of the game, it's a good thing.

Weddings, anyone's wedding, inherently make me nervous.  I have such anxiety when it comes to weddings due to the photography end of things.  Knowing that if you are not at the right spot at the right time, you miss the shot.  That's nerve wracking for a photographer.  Obviously, I am not the photographer at this one.  But that's not what makes me the most nervous about weddings.

The divorce rate among people their age is super high.  We were talking at lunch the other day and Reese's knows people who started dating at the same time she did and they have gotten married and some are already divorced.  It's staggering to me.  Some of her friends from high school didn't even make it to their one year anniversary.  This is so sad.

I can't help feeling like it's all for nothing sometimes.  I don't expect that Reese's and Toby will get divorced they have been together for four years already.  But you know none of those people went into their marriages thinking they would get divorced either.

No one, at least no one I know, walks down the aisle in anticipation of divorce court.  Can you imagine?  The bride dreaming about their last fight as husband and wife.  About which of the wedding gifts she will get to throw.  Dreaming about the lawyer she will hire.  Or the settlement she will receive, while she's walking down the aisle.  I mean I guess there are some people in the world (somewhere) who really think like this . . . but I hope it is rare.

I like to think brides have other things on their minds. Like love, hope, and fresh beginnings in their mind. There are plans for the future.  Tomorrows and tomorrows after that to be experienced and enjoyed.

So what happens?  What stops all this hope and love from continuing?

Is it selfishness?  Is it pride?  Is it  . . . . hate?

I think maybe a little of all those things. . . well, maybe not the "hate" part.  But more than this I think there is a carelessness that underlines all these.  An "I don't care" attitude that circulates through the whole relationship.  This is how it starts.

So many times we are just going through the motions and not living with purpose. . . some of us are not even living "on purpose".  Just existing until the next American Idol or waiting for the next season of "Game of Thrones".    (Waiting impatiently for the new Avengers movie to come out.  *ehem* I know that's what I am doing. )

But seriously, how sad is this?

So the wedding day comes and all the best laid plans are discarded for the ones we settled on.  The bride and groom kiss for a whole 3 seconds.  Or 15 if they want to prove they are "extra" in love.  Ick! And we are off to the reception for food, cake and punch and dancing and flower throwing and garter sling shots and bubbles and good-bye.

Then . . .

comes  . . . .

marriage. . .

The thing is to be careful when you get back home.  Be careful with each other's feelings.  Be careful with each other's stuff.  Be careful because this is another person's life.  In order to not fall into the trap of selfishness or the trap of pride . . . to be careful with each other's life.  I'm just sayin'.

Sorry for the rant on this beautiful Tuesday night.  But I figured the 3 people who normally link up (thank you!) will get to see a little peek into what's in my head any way.  LOL!

You can still link up your black and white shots even if you didn't read the post.  It's free as always!



  1. Not just folks her age...a lot of folks i know who married right after college in my age group also divorced, In fact by the time I graduated from high school I was in the minority as one whose original mother and father were still married to each other. This was in the mid 1980s.

    1. I know right? I was actually given a round of applause when I told a group of church goers that I was one of the few people whose parents were still married when I got married.

  2. Hahaha! I was one of the the three who read the rant, but I'm not linking up. I can't keep up the pace with the blogs and blog hops and life in general. ;) I'm always happy to see your link on my blog and that prompts me to visit. :) This is a brilliant post on marriage. And, even though I like The Avengers, I'm waiting for the new Star Wars movie to reach South Africa. Laughter aside, you are totally right.

  3. Oh! And Congrats on the upcoming wedding! :D


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