Saturday, October 23, 2010
30 Days of Truth - Day 3
Something you have to forgive yourself for is the TRUTH for Day 3! ~ YIKES!~
Do I really want to say that outloud?
Okay! Here goes . . . for getting divorced. I have come to terms with a lot of things in my life, but the one thing that I feel I have failed at over and over is getting divorced. Even though I am happier than I have ever been . . . even though I stopped caring for my first husband almost 2 years before I left. . . even though my ex-husband is no longer with us . . . some things you just aren't supposed to do and divorce is one of the big ones for me.
You may be thinking "What's the big deal?" Yeah, I know, right? Everybody is divorced now days . . . still it doesn't make it right, and it is something that makes me feel like a failure.
I was in a disaster of a marriage, without trust or true love or sacrifice or respect. It was emotionally damaging to me and probably to my two daughters as well, but I still haven't forgiven myself 100%. I look at their lives and wonder how different they would be if I hadn't gotten divorced, but that could really go either way. They might be worse off.
Don't get the wrong idea. I don't REGRET getting divorced, but I haven't all the way forgiven myself. Even though I know Jesus has, is that weird? I love Santa, more than I ever even knew I was capable of loving another person. I really and truly love him and having that love . . . is the only thing that makes me want to forgive myself a little bit, you know?
So yeah . . . I have to forgive myself for that! I don't wallow in it every day, but hey that was the prompt for today . . .so now you know. What about you? Are you following along and participating in THE TRUTH?
Labels: 30 days of truth