Well, I finally finished The Fruit of Her Hands by Nancy Wilson. (If you buy this book, do NOT laugh at how long it took me to finish this book. I know it's very short, but I am a busy girl, okay?) First of all, I loved this book. I agree with 85% of everything in this book. It is not popular or trendy, but I do agree with it. I have many real life examples, that I may share at a later time, which prove God's plan for a wife to be submissive to her husband works 100% of the time.
This post is straight-forward. It is not meant for light reading, or for those women prone to "the vapors" . . . read on if you are brave enough. . .
I have a lot of women who work in my office, and who have worked in my office. Many of them got married while working for us. Becoming a wife is so overwhelming for so many young women. I see them struggle with what to do, and how to do it. There are so many wonderful plans, written by Christian authors, out there for women to follow, and NONE of them are scriptural. The author explains in her book that many times Christian women in an effort to feel better about themselves, employ various methods of practicing their Christianity based on someone else's idea or method. The method is what becomes their religion instead of Jesus Christ. Whether it is breast-feeding, house cleaning, homeschooling or going green. These methods are not bad things, but worshiping the method is a bad thing. Before you know it, you are more concerned with making everyone around you adopt your method than you are with Jesus' number one and number two commandments . . . "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and strength." AND "Love your neighbor as yourself." (*COMMANDS, not suggestions or guidelines. . .COMMANDS*)
I really like what Dana at MckMama says, "I love cloth diapers, but they won't get my kids into heaven."
When it comes to the subject of "lovemaking" or "sex" as we like to say at our house. There is little doubt that it was created for a married couple. I think all of us Christian women will at least agree on that point. Okay, so if we agree on this, why is it that I meet so many women who don't have sex with their husbands. Who are you saving it for? No, seriously, was there some reason for withholding sex from your husband? How does that work? Does this somehow help your relationship with your husband?
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured* with her love. (Proverbs 5:18-19) (*The Message says, "captivated")
"Christian men are constantly having to avert their eyes from other women's breasts, whether it is on the covers of magazines at the grocery store check out, in films (which they maybe shouldn't be watching), and, of course, the women who dress indecently at the office or on the street. All those women's breasts are forbidden to them, and it is a regular nuisance to have them constantly thrust in their faces. Only the wife's breasts are not forbidden. These are the breasts they are not only allowed but commanded to enjoy. The question is, how are they to let their wives' breasts satisfy them at all times if they can never get near them?" ~ Nancy Wilson, The Fruit of Her Hands
So . . . ladies? How we doing? Fainted yet? If you are still with me, keep reading.
If you thought you were the "gatekeeper" and the one responsible for the dispensing of sex in your house, maybe you need to re-read Proverbs. (Or not, listen to what the Lord is telling you, not me, I'm just sayin'.)
I just don't understand. Sex was created by God, did you think He didn't know how great it was? He made it! If you withhold sex from your husband, and try to excuse yourself by saying that sex is something "dirty" you are fooling yourself. It is YOUR responsibility not only to be available to your husband sexually, but to create an environment for both of you to rejoice.
Many women I know have put restrictions on their own lovemaking. These restrictions are self-made. Between a husband and a wife there should be no restrictions if they are mutually consented. There are extremes, naturally, and you are free to comment away and explain away the reasons why you refuse to have sex with your husband. . . go ahead start typing. The comment boxes are open.
But . . . . how has that worked so far? Are you happy? Are you living life to the fullest? No? Then why not just change ONE thing, and see what happens.
If you are normally unavailable . . . change it.
If you are normally resistant . . .change it.
If you are normally "not in the mood" . . . change it.
If you are normally "too tired" . . . change it.
If you are normally "blogging" (*OUCH!*) . . . change it. (You know the posts don't expire, they'll still be there tomorrow. Besides how many giveaways can you enter? I'm just sayin'.)
The thing about change is this . . . when YOU change, the world around you is automatically different. Just one small change, will cause a different reaction from your husband, which will alter the future. If you continue to remain the same, the reaction will be the same and nothing will be altered. You cannot make someone else do what you want. You cannot cause someone to love or hate you, all you can do is control YOUR actions.
If you sit at home in a stew pot of resentment, just waiting to pounce on your husband as soon as he walks in the door . . . after a while he's going to find a reason NOT to walk through the door. Think instead about the good things about your husband, why you fell in love with him. How cute he looked in those jeans, or how wonderful it is that he is making enough lettuce to satisfy your shoe fettish. . . LOL! (Sorry I had to throw that in, not that Reese's will ever read it, but she has been quoting this ever since we heard Jonathan Acuff's Stuff Christians Like book.)
Just one small change, can make a HUGE difference in your relationship with your husband. I can honestly say, I am no expert . . . I have more than one HUGE problem that I still have to overcome when it comes to being a great wife. But when I asked Santa to give me a "report card", at least I made the honor roll.
If you haven't read the book, I suggest it. If you haven't talked to your husband lately about what HE expects or would like, maybe that would be the best place to start. Let him lead you, that's his job.